The Secret to Honoring God as a Spouse (Your marriage isn’t getting better because no one told you THIS)

honorbetter marriage
Written By Changing Us
 

Do you know what this feels like? You wake up, determined to do better today. Yesterday you were doing so well… until you blew it – or at least you’re willing to take responsibility for how it went - and now your spouse is mad. You hope that you can do all the right things today so your spouse’s mood improves. Your deepest desire is to honor God by being a good spouse.

Pastors, counselors, and marriage books have told you that “if you treat a man as he is, he will remain as he is, but if you treat a man as he could be, he will become what he should be.”

And so, you affirm your spouse and speak well of them and serve them and give them honor. But instead of rising to the level of your praise, they become more demanding, moodier, and harder to please.

“Why?” you wonder. What else could you do to please them, to be the spouse you should be, to love and respect them more?

Years go by as you keep trying - and nothing improves.

Here’s the answer to “why?” It’s what pastors, counselors, and books don’t tell you:

You can’t make your marriage better by ignoring reality.

In fact, you hear the opposite:

  • “Don’t focus on the wrong things your spouse is doing” (i.e. don’t focus on reality), “focus on the good things and build them up.”

  • “Don’t assume the worst – believe the best.” (i.e. assume that your intuition is wrong and believe something, instead, that isn’t true).

  • Turn the other cheek

  • Forgive seventy times seven times

  • They remind you that Philippians 4:8 says to think about excellent, lovely, pure things (ignoring that it also commands us to think about what is true).

But here’s the truth: As much as you want to believe that your spouse is a good person who loves you, it is not an assumption but, rather, reality that reveals that they are, in fact, consistently…

  • unpredictable (feel like you’re walking on eggshells?)

  • insensitive (do your preferences even matter to them?)

  • demanding (why does it always have to be their way?)

  • irresponsible (I’m getting blamed again?)

  • disrespectful (they just aren not a nice person)

  • unempathetic (do they even care how I feel?)

  • expecting things from you that they don’t expect from themselves (there’s always a double standard)

And you can’t make your marriage better by ignoring those realities, no matter how hard you try.

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