The Greek Words For Divorce Will Change How You Think About It

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Oct 27

The different Greek words used to talk about divorce in the New Testament

If you are unsure about whether God allows divorce in the situation you are in, it’s important to know that the writers of the New Testament used three different Greek words in talking about the word that is translated into English as “divorce” - and each word carries a different connotation.

1. Apolyo

The word translated “divorce” in Matthew 19:3 and Mark 10:2 (“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”) and Matthew 19:8 (“Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts are hard”) is the Greek word “apolyo” and carries with it a connotation of “to let go of, dismiss, or send away.” It is what happens when a spouse is not valuing his/her spouse but is, rather, dismissing them as someone they are not pleased with (dismissing their thoughts, feelings, opinions, and actions - even to the extent that they are simply displeased with a wife who burns the toast).

To “divorce” (apolyo) in this context is not a legal action - it is a behavior of hatred and dismissal, of not valuing a spouse. It is the kind of behavior described as “violence” in Malachi 2:16: “the man who hates and divorces his wife (Hebrew: salah - to let go or send away) does violence to the one he should protect.” [Get my free 50+ tactics used by someone who dismisses their spouse]

Apolyo is the act of letting go of a spouse without actually freeing a spouse from the commitment/bond of marriage through legal action. This dismissal of a spouse without the legal action to go with it is condemned by Moses (which is why he commanded a legal “certificate of divorce”) and would leave a spouse vulnerable to committing adultery unless that spouse does not marry someone else. This is why it says “a man who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9, Luke 16:18)and “anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32)

In summary, when the Pharisees asked if a man could divorce his wife for any every reason, they were asking if a man could dismiss (apolyo) his wife without legal action. Jesus’s response was essentially “no”: “what God has joined together, let no one separate.” He was telling husbands not to cause separation by dismissing (apolyo) their wives while staying married to them. The Pharisees then ask “why, then, did Moses command a legal divorce?” and Jesus’s answer is “because your hearts were hard.” In other words, if your heart is hard toward your wife, you are commanded to grant your wife a divorce. He explains that anyone who dismisses (apolyo) his wife and marries another woman commits adultery. That is because “apolyo” doesn’t dissolve the marriage legally, so getting married to another woman would be adultery. But if there has been adultery, then the covenant of marriage is legally broken already, so the dismissal (apolyo) was not caused by him and he bears no fault. [The Pharisees had a view on the other end of the legalism spectrum from what many in the Church have today - and the truth is found somewhere in the middle between divorce “for any and every reason” and “only for the reason of adultery”]

2. Apolytrosis

Then there is the Greek word that is translated “certificate of divorce” as seen in Matthew 5:31, Matthew 19:7, and Mark 10:4 (“Why then did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”). The phrase “certificate of divorce” is the Greek word “apolytrosis” and means “to release.” It is a legal declaration that the spouse is no longer legally bound to the marriage and is free from the commitment/bond of marriage, thereby allowing the spouse to be free to marry another. It is what God gave his people in Jeremiah 3 when they did not cling to their covenant with him: “I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away.” (The Hebrew here is karat, meaning “to cut off, break, or destroy”)

It is notable that God divorced his bride, Israel. This alone indicates that divorce (in the westernized sense of referring to a legal action) is not a sin, because God does not sin, yet he did divorce. And he did it the “right” way: by providing a certificate of divorce.

3. Aphiemi

In the 1 Corinthians 7 passage we see yet another Greek word for divorce: “aphiemi” which has the meaning “to forsake, give up, or neglect.” Verses 12 and 13 say: “If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce [forsake, give up, or neglect] her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce [forsake, give up, or neglect] him.”

The word “willing” is the Greek word “syneudokeo”and doesn’t mean simply “yeah, I’ll live with her/him” but, rather, means that a spouse strongly desires to live with you, demonstrating that desire through their approval and appreciation of you and the marriage. So it’s not just that they are “OK with” living with you - it’s that they are willing, approving, and appreciative.

The word “divorce” in this passage does not speak to the legal act of divorce at all but, rather, issues a warning not to forsake, give up, or neglect a spouse just because they are an unbeliever. The heart of the passage is: “If you have a spouse who is not a believer and your spouse approves of you (does not show disdain or disapproval toward you) and is approving of the marriage (by demonstrating that they cherish and honor you), then do not give them up.”

The passage is letting believers know that, if they have married an unbeliever, they don’t have to give up the marriage just because of that. But if the spouse is not approving (by showing disdain or dissaproval toward you), then it is ok to give up (“aphiemi”) the marriage. [Read my article on marriage being a covenant vs. contract]

It is not appropriate to conclude from this passage that a legal divorce is prohibited or condemned. In fact, quite the opposite - it would be appropriate to pursue a legal divorce (a “certificate of divorce”) if the unbelieving spouse does not show approval of the marriage.

Further clarification about divorce

Apolyo as a condition of the heart

Divorce (as a behavior/dismissal and not as a legal action) is spoken of as a condition of the heart in which a person’s heart is against their spouse. Just as we see Jesus expanding the definition of adultery in Matthew 5 in order to emphasize that it’s a condition of the heart (“anyone who looks at woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart”), he also speaks of divorce as a condition of the heart (“because your hearts are hard”) and not as a legal action. In fact, all of Jesus’s teachings in Matthew 5 expand the definitions of behaviors to include the condition of the heart: hatred is murder, oaths don’t depend on what you swear the oath on but on whether you swear an oath with intent to keep it, an “eye for an eye” is sometimes too much punishment, and love isn’t enough unless it’s for your enemies too.”

We see God himself being an example of the importance of the heart behind the behavior that causes divorce in Jeremiah 3 when he speaks of the condition of Israel’s heart as “adulteries.” At that time, God gave his bride a certificate of divorce (a legal declaration of Israel’s divorce from God) and sent her away because of those adulteries – none of which were sexual in nature, but were a condition of the heart (turning away from God). By giving Israel a certificate of divorce, God freed her to pursue her other loves.

Adultery is not grounds for divorce but the act of divorce/apolyo itself

We also see that Jesus doesn’t declare adultery to be an acceptable reason to divorce (dismiss/let go of) someone. Instead, adultery is an act of divorce/dismissal itself. Adultery is an indication that the sinning/adulterous spouse has dismissed/let go of the non-sinning/non-adulterous spouse. That divorce (dismissal) leads to the command of Moses and the permission from Jesus to give someone a legal divorce. [Read my whole article on biblical grounds for divorce]

Divorce as distinct from legal action

It’s important to understand that there is a difference between “divorce” and “certificate of divorce” as Jesus spoke about it. This is further evidenced by the fact that we see in Scripture that a person can divorce/apolyo (dismiss, let go of, or send away) someone to whom they aren’t even legally married. In Matthew 1:19 Joseph had in mind to divorce (apolyo) Mary, even though they weren’t married yet. This demonstrates that divorce was seen as a “dismissing” (and not a legal matter). It wouldn’t make sense to say that a person can legally divorce someone to whom they aren’t yet legally married. Joseph was going to just “dismiss” (apolyo) Mary quietly, not give her a certificate of divorce (apolytrosis).

The Greek word for divorce found in 1 Corinthians 7 (“aphiemi”) also appears in Luke 18:20 when Jesus says “I tell you the truth, no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and in the age to come, eternal life.” The Greek word that is translated “left” (aphiemi) in Luke 18 is the same Greek word that is translated “divorce" (aphiemi) in 1 Corinthians 7. So if the translators were consistent in their translation of the word “aphiemi,” the Luke 18 passage would say “I tell you the truth, no one who has divorced home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God…” So in the most literal sense of the word, the Luke 18 passage advocates for divorce when it’s for the sake of the kingdom of God [Read my article on how divorce can honor God here].

What this means for you

As you consider whether you can stay married to your spouse, knowing the true meaning of these passages and the words contained within them can bring a more accurate understanding of what God means when he references divorce. And it’s nowhere near what we in the western world understand divorce to be.

If you’d like to study more about the context around the Scriptural discussions on divorce, read my other articles on divorce that are linked at the end of this article. And when you begin to align more with the truth of God’s Word and allow it to change you, you will find that….

hope isn’t found in our situation changing; it’s found in our situation….